Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
