Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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