Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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