no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
