Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
