other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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