I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
