Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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