While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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