I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
