I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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