he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
