remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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