I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My penis needs a shock collar
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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