I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
