Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
