Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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