I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
