Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
