He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
