my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
