She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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