I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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