went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
