drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
