I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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