Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
