a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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