another moral hangover. fuck.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
