The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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