i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
