I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
These tits shall not be calmed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
