its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
