yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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