Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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