Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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