i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
