I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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