I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
