Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
