She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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