sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
