my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize