Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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