walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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