What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
