Apparently you make a good broom.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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