Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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