I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
