hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
vagina is talking i cant
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
