my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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