On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
