Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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