Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
