I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
