You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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