got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The air was thick with penises
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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