Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
