twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
