if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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