K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
