every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
