Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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