My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
