Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
