oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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