your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
