talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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