the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
