If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize