Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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