i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
