i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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