My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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