I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
