u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
