i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
