I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
