in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
