if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
